Renaissance-grade banter with a cheeky smile
Every boozer has that one painting — the one whose gaze follows you from the jukebox to the gents. We spoke to the landlords deliberately sourcing ominous artwork and the regulars who've grown deeply, worryingly attached to it.
I sent my selfie to five online sellers promising to paint me as the Mona Lisa, then hung the results in my local Wetherspoons. The likeness ratings were brutal. The pub reactions were worse. Here's the definitive buyer's guide.
A week of prompting AI image generators produced masterpieces, monstrosities and one image of her holding a fry-up with six fingers. Then we showed the lot to the caricaturists of Brighton pier, whose jobs may — or may not — depend on the answer.
We trawled the internet's murkiest marketplaces and Britain's finest museum gift shops to score every mug, magnet and mousemat bearing her enigmatic gaze. One item scored a perfect ten. Another should be classified as a weapon.
You've heard of ABBA tributes and Queen cover bands — but Britain's strangest hireable entertainers are painting-themed, and business is booming. We ranked five of the best, from a silent Mona Lisa in a glass box to a Michelangelo who charges extra for the fig leaf.
Five centuries after Leonardo allegedly forgot her eyebrows, British women are still losing theirs — at 3AM, by torchlight, after three glasses of Pinot Grigio. We asked the experts, and the nation, why our steadiest handiwork always happens at our shakiest hour.
Britain has fallen head over heels for turning its pets into Old Masters. But can boot sale shoppers tell a budget barnet-and-beret portrait from a £400 commission? We packed the estate car and found out.
Every boozer in Britain has one: the regular who occupies the same corner seat, says nothing, and sees everything. We conducted a serious (ish) survey of landlords to classify this enigmatic species — and yes, we've ranked them.
One writer replaced their dating app photos with Renaissance poses and opened every conversation with an art pun, all in the name of journalism and mild self-destruction. The results range from genuine romance to a man in Leicester who thought 'sfumato' was a pasta dish.
Leonardo spent four years perfecting a smile; British people do it in 0.3 seconds at a Wetherspoons. We rank the nation's finest smirks, from the wrong-round regular to the nan who's already decided about your new partner.
Da Vinci spent four years on the Mona Lisa's smile; we spent a weekend imagining how he'd have captured Britain's finest daily grievances. Seven everyday complaints, each lovingly reimagined as a Renaissance masterpiece.
From da Vinci Christmas jumpers to Mona Lisa mugs that smirk back at you, art-themed novelty gear is taking over British parties and present lists. We rank the top ten gallery-core gifts and reveal where to bag them on a budget.